I walk away and search for your hand, for your arm to cling on to.
I can't believe what we just did.
I feel almost paralysed.
Everything I do, reminds me of you.
I walk to my desk, and I see you there, reading the latest news, uploading and admiring your photos.
I walk to my room, and smell the pillow your head laid opon, the sheets your body slept on.
Baby, you smell so beautiful.
I hug your pillow and wait to feel your kiss on my forehead, for you to play with my hair...
And suddenly remember it is just a pillow.
I lay there all night, reminiscing, praying, yearning...
There is no difference between day and night.
Hours pass and 8am comes.
I wait for you to come wake me.
I wait for your sweet kiss.
I walk from my room to your room.
"Habibi..."
No answer.
I come to have breakfast.
Mum puts me some hlawet el jibn...
"Sassine likes that" I say.
Food has lost it's taste.
I get my things ready to go to uni, and stumble across the shells we collected that sweet day at the beach.
I remember the rock you reminded me about and run to the jacket.
I smell the bonfire and cannot get enough.
I look in the pockets and find the beanie you wore...
The funny blue and black one with the pompom.
I get dressed and spray Kenzo...
You liked that.
I come across the 'magic powder'...
The one I carried around with the brush everywhere.
I don't need it today.
I get in the car, and it's, you guessed it, Tony Kiwan.
I put on your favourite station.
It doesn't sound the same without holding hands.
On the train I spot two lovers.
Neyaloun.
I fondle for my sunnies and hope that no-one can see through them.
The 35 minute train ride feels like 35 hours.
I make my way to uni.
I don't want to catch the tram, and though time is not permitting, I walk up to uni, along the road we both walked along.
I sit on the bench you waited for me on.
I walk into my lecture and my friend says to me "how are you?"
I choke on my words.
She hugs me, but all I feel is you.
I call your mobile, I know you cannot answer, you are still on the plane, but I still wait for you to pick up.
"Habibi?... Habibi?"
I wear my pyjamas, and put on your slippers.
It's only 3pm, but feels like 3 weeks since you left.
I sort out the papers on my desk and come across the CD you burned for me.
I hope one day I can view these photos.
Right now, I am not game enough.
"Sasso?... Habibi?"
Redd 3allayi.
Please come back...
And
never EVER leave me again.
